Arrested

This a new addition to The Weekly Musician. I think you'll find it interesting, probably somewhat scary but damn informative! Take a look at the following probable cause form, paying close attention to the reasons this poor sap was pulled over in the first place. All names and pertinent information have been removed to protect the innocent. And I do mean innocent!

Are we having fun yet? Let's continue. Here is the object (full size) that was hanging from the offenders rear view mirror, obstructing his view enough that a Minnesota Highway Patrol officer felt the need to run full speed to his vehicle at almost 4 o'clock in the morning, execute a really crappy, (and illegal u-turn I'm told), and chase him down.

Ok, let's talk a little here. This all occurred at approximately 3:40 in the morning, or more correctly, in the dead of night. The officer already had someone pulled over at the time our offender drove right by him. Somehow this officer managed (in the middle of the night) to see this swinging object (swinging? Why in the world would it be swinging?) while talking to the other driver, make a split second decision that this offender needed to be stopped, informed and arrested of this heinous crime, then proceed to chase him down. All this took place in a 3 block area, yet according to the officer, he was able to lock his radar on to this vehicle, at 35 miles per hour. Ok, I asked our offender, what the heck were you doing 35 miles an hour for, right past a police officer? Are you just looking for trouble? He tells me a slightly different story. He said he saw the emergency lights from blocks away. Not wanting to get pulled over, he set his cruise control right on 30 MPH and continued right on past the officer, without even thinking about how fast he was going. Well, why would he worry about that? I know I do the same thing, set my cruise control and not worry.

Ok, I'm going to stop right here, and say a few things that I feel need to be said. First, this guy was breaking the law, he was legally intoxicated, and deserves whatever penalty he has coming to him. Regardless of why he was pulled over, he was breaking the law. I don't have a problem with that, I think people should not be driving drunk. Period. We all have lost friends and loved ones to drunk driving. I think, without a doubt, that is the real crime. The problem with this whole incident is the officers probable cause statement. Our offender states that while in the patrol car, he heard his information come back to the officer on the radio, you know... Valid drivers license, legal plates, date of birth, offenses (none by the way)... that sort of thing. But wait... it clearly states on the probable cause statement that our offenders license plate was obstructed with snow. So how could the officer even have called it in? I'm told that the officer first stated that the REAR WINDOW was obstructed with snow. This slight change in the story, I feel, is due to the officer stating there was something hanging and swinging from the rear view mirror, but if the rear window was obstructed with snow, how could he have seen this very small necklace then? Trying to cover his tracks I guess. I'll leave it up to you to decide if this is legal probable cause, and whether the story is factual or not. Remember, I'm just the messenger, please don't shoot me!

He was led into the booking room, tested two more times on the breathalyzer, then informed that he was legally intoxicated and that was the reason for him being there. (hmmmmm..... I thought this was about a necklace?) Anyway, the officer took all the information he needed, and then blatantly accused our offender of smoking pot! Now I know this man, and I know he does not do any drugs, of any kind at all. The officer stated that he must smoke pot, because he plays in a band, and everyone that plays in a band does drugs, period. Well, I play in a band, and guess what Mr. Officer? I don't do drugs either! So our offender took offense (ha ha) to this accusation, and demanded a drug test on the spot. This test was denied and nothing more was said about it. I find that whole thing very strange, don't you? After all this, the offender was ordered to strip naked, in front of the officer, with the door open for Christ's sake, and then was given the customary jail clothes. Basically old underwear, old socks and the very fashionable pinkish orange duds that all the inmates wear. I remember my time in jail, and even way back then I was shocked at how... military-like the whole thing was. Our offender stated that was exactly how he felt too. Anyway, next stop, the jail cell.

With his pink - orange jail garb and brown plastic slippers in place, our offender was told to get up, and proceed to his cell for the night. He tells it in a funny way... The officer tells you, left here, right at the end of the hall, straight ahead until I say different, another left after this next room, NO, NOT HERE, UP THERE! Now left again and then the door at the end of this next hall. The cell is really not a cell at all, more like a cheap, bad motel room. 4 sets of steel bunk beds take up most of the room, with a couple of dirty tables off to the side. Our offender was shocked to see a television in there also. Wow, geez, I didn't get a TV when I was locked up! Times change I guess. All the beds were full except 2 top bunks. Our offender said he took the far one, in the back. You know what's weird about that? Think about it... drunks, accused pot smoking druggies being put in high, top bunks? What if they fell off? He said the bunks were like, 2 feet wide. Heck, if it would have been me, I'd have fallen out just to raise a little hell! No, not really! So, he said he just went to sleep, and an hour or so later the Itasca County jail woke up for breakfast, including him. Looking around him at the other inmates, our offender choose to just stay in bed, and offered his breakfast to the 6 others. That was a good move! They took to him immediately and treated him very cool.

About 10am or so our offender was led back to the booking room, given another breath test and informed that he was down to .03. Then he was told that as soon as he blew .0, he would be released! Geez, I had to stay the whole weekend back in 1996! After lunch, which by the way, our offender once again offered to his hoomies, and once again shored up his friendship for life with the boys from the "hood"... they all went to the rec room. After watching countless games of ping pong, he was finally told he could go. Released at 1pm on a Saturday! Lucky stiff...

Our necklace convict was allowed to get back into his street clothes, once again having to dress pretty much right out in the open... that is so weird!!! and then was given back his belongings. Wait a sec... all but his car keys! He informed the officer about this and the officer just said he didn't know anything about them. Maybe the tow truck driver still has them? Our offender called the body shop where his car was, and talked to a rather unpleasant gentleman that told him they don't release vehicles on Saturdays. Our offender offered, well that's ok, but I need my keys to get into my house. The guy hemmed and hawed, was very pissed, but said he'd meet him down at the body shop at 1:15pm. So... cool huh? Out of jail, and picking up the car. A quick phone call later and he was on his way. He did say that it was well past 1:15 when the guy finally showed, but hey? Big deal right? Right... In person the tow truck guy was a little more human, and quick like, wrote up the bill. The charge for towing his car was 79 dollars... um folks... it was towed less than 15 blocks! At 400 feet per city block, they towed it a few hundred feet over one mile, about 6000 feet. That's almost 80 dollars a mile. Then the guy tacked on another 20 bucks for coming in on a Saturday! All our offender was asking for were his keys back, which in my mind should have been given back to him at the jail. Well, he just paid it to got his car back and go home.

The very next Tuesday finds our offender in court, 1pm sharp! Course it was after 2pm before the judge showed (not his fault, there were a lot of bad people needing to check in), and close to 5pm before his name was called to come up and enter his plea. I know you're wondering what that was... Guilty as charged was his response. Now, he was guilty, and I think he was a stand up guy for just admitting to it. The prosecuting attorney made it a point however, more than once that if he chose to plead innocent, he could face his accuser in court. This attorney even seemed to have a problem with the probable cause statement, questioning our accused about the now infamous necklace. Well, the way I see it, I think this sharp lawyer knew in his heart that it was an illegal stop, and the state could and probably would lose it's case if our offender were to challenge it. I did ask him why he didn't fight it, thinking to myself that he probably could beat it. He just said he couldn't afford to fight it, I'm guessing the lawyer fees would have been many thousands of dollars, which I know the accused does not have. The crime was 4th degree driving while impaired, the lowest offense he could have gotten under the circumstances. It still carries a 900 dollar fine, and another 680 bucks plus to get his license back, not to mention the 99 dollar tow charge, other misc. expenses along with a number of years of paying risk insurance. Pretty expensive misdemeanor eh? That damn necklace!

This story might be true, or might not be true. Either way, it is for entertainment purposes only.